Many people we talk with seem to feel that the only Not-I's they are ever in contact with are inside. As noisy as the inside ones are, those we are in contact with daily on the outside are just as noisy--and there are many more, as we hear them from everyone we meet.
The Not-I's in people we are in close contact with may try to influence one to feel guilty. Or to feel sorry for someone, to feel that the other is a victim. Some will attempt to make one feel resentful or angry. One very common effort of the Not-I's is causing one to feel obligated to be responsible for the happiness of another. Not recognizing these motivators for what they are --Not-I's busy at what they are talented to do, make people feel miserable--is to fall asleep.
To recognize them for what they are eliminates much misery, much misunderstanding with persons close to one. When one sees that most defensive feelings and behavior are incited by Not-I's not the real person one is associated with such feelings and behavior comes to an end, and are replaced with compassion and real caring as well as internal calm.
Seeing all complaining, inner and outer, all defensiveness, inner and outer, all authoritative manner, all putting down of self and others, inner and outer, all blaming, inner and outer, as the dirty work of the Not-I's ends practically all friction in relationships. Then and only then can relationships be the fulfilling situations that everyone is looking for. Note--please don't assume that only self is taken over frequently by the Not-I's. The rest of humanity has the same problem, that's why agape is needful. X
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